Category: Relationships

Why Punishment Never Solves Anything

Punishment is the misuse of power. It is destructive and vile. In my humble opinion, it never solves anything. It is a part of life and a way of life, but it is not the way I choose to live my life.

Earlier in one of my blog posts, I talked about creative ways to express your emotions such as anger. Sometimes we need to scream, and we can’t due to living arrangements. But, we can learn to express our emotions through various coping skills.

The reason punishment exists is because we experience various human emotions and we cannot process our feelings quickly enough. Some people are better at managing their emotions better than other people. However, other people misuse their power and punish others due to fear, anger, bitterness, or sadness. And this is never the answer because all it does is it causes a downward spiral of continual bullying.

What we need to do is learn how to deal with negativity using positive coping skills. I mentioned this in a previous article, but I’ll list it here again. You can use coping skills such as singing, dancing, exercise, or talking to a friend to cope with negativity.

How to Surround Yourself with “A” Players

An A player is someone who excels at life. It is someone who conquers most or all areas of their life, from health to finances to relationships to spirituality. Such people that I would define as A players are Ramit Sethi, Steve Pavlina, Leo Babauta, Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith, and Kim Yugyeom. 😀 I am always looking to surround myself with A players because as they say, you become the people you surround yourself with.

How can you find ways to surround yourself with A players? The first is just to engage yourself in activities that you enjoy and that you would look for in people who you would consider A players. You don’t necessarily have to engage with these people directly. For example, I go to the gym to get a workout and see people there who are motivated, pumped, and athletic. I don’t converse with these people aside from maybe the instructor and maybe someone taking the same class if the opportunity presents itself. But still, I am motivated to work out because I see other people doing the same. And in my mind, an A player consists of someone who cares about their wellbeing and health. So in my mind, anyone who hits the gym regularly is an A player in health.

Another way that I plan to surround myself with A players is to attend a dance class. I love dancers because they are very expressive with their moves and they also tend to care about health, appearance, and hygiene. So one way I can surround myself with these people is to attend a local dance meetup such as through Meetup or EventBrite. Or I can take dance classes through an academy and search for it on Yelp or Yellow Pages. I’m planning to attend these classes sometime in the beginning of March. It should be fun!

I also find entrepreneurs and business-minded people to be A players. I want to pursue passive income and have dabbled a bit here and there, and it’s motivating to be in connection with people who have succeeded in generating a significant amount of passive income such as thousands of dollars per month. There are some meetup groups as well, but I’m planning to start with Toastmasters to connect with these people. Toastmasters draws in people of all sorts of backgrounds and statuses, but I’m planning to connect with those business-oriented people who also enjoy life and like to socialize. It’s also a great way to practice public speaking. And someday, it’s my goal to give a Ted Talk. That takes A player motivation and drive to do.

How can you develop an A player mindset?

The first step is to be ruthless about what you want. Sometimes, developing an A player mindset requires you to cut out certain friendships and social connections. This can be because certain friendships and acquaintances can drain your energy and bring you to a lower mind of awareness. For example, if you want to quit smoking, it’s counter-intuitive to hang out with people who smoke a lot. You’re just going to be tempted to smoke again. And sometimes, it can seem cruel to cut off or wean off from these friendships. But if you really want to succeed at life, you sometimes have to burn the ships and be selfish about what you want. There’s nothing wrong with change. It’s just in your mind as mild discomfort. Sometimes, you can naturally stop hanging around average people by just hanging around A players some more. And the more you expose yourself to A players, the more your mindset improves, and the more you naturally drift to these A players and stop hanging around average people.

A simple exercise you can do in order to figure out what an A player means to you is to list the qualities of your ideal type or of what you want to be. Here is a sample list of qualities that I personally seek for in an A player:

– Vegan
– Six figures or more
– Clean shaven and fashionable appearance
– Artistically talented
– Confident at giving speeches
– Good at cooking vegan
– Fit or athletic
– Leader

Note that you don’t need to find all the qualities in a person. It’s possible to find someone who only have a few of these qualities and is still an A player. But the more qualities a person has close to your ideal type, the better it is. And of course, the more naturally drawn you will be to that person. Plus looking at your list, you will feel more compelled to cut off draining friendships and relationships.

The Courage to Be an A Player

Becoming an A player takes courage. It means destroying old habits and replacing them with healthier and more fulfilling habits. It means eliminating old baggage. It means reinventing yourself. It means dedicating every single day to bettering yourself and becoming your highest potential.

It can be hard at first to become an A player because we can get stuck in old routines and rely on what’s comfortable. A players are A players because they know how to conquer life and how to lean into discomfort. The majority of people avoid discomfort and soak in short-term pleasures of life. But A players delay gratification and shoot for the stars. It’s not an easy task to be an A player when you’re shooting so high every day, but that’s what makes them exceptional. And you are also exceptional. You also have untapped potential. And if you want to be a superstar, you can be that superstar. All you have to do is believe in yourself and to lean into that discomfort and give it a try.

For me, it’s going to be uncomfortable attending my first Toastmasters session. However, I know that I will benefit from it in the long run. I will become a better public speaker and I will socialize more with people I want to surround myself with, which are leaders. One way in which I will prepare myself to go is to practice self-care (my appearance) and to prepare business cards to introduce myself. The business cards give a simple introduction of myself being vegan and into personal growth, being a voice talent and songwriter, and my blog, Instagram and Youtube links. It’s a good way for me to ease my nerves just in case I’m at a loss for words and want to introduce myself in a more relaxed manner. Plus, it’s more professional.

If you want to learn how to overcome your fear in order to become an A player, you have to either remove limiting beliefs of yourself or learn how to lean into the fear. You have to get used to your heart racing at times, and you have to learn how to not avoid it. It’s okay to be afraid to connect with someone new. It’s okay to be nervous about attending your first dance class. But, realize that it’s not going to kill you to try something new. It’s part of the excitement. This is what A players do every day. They venture off into new directions, tackling their fears and accomplishing new feats. And this can be you too. Why settle for comfort when you can lead a exceptional life?

Socializing with Friends

Over the past few months, I’ve been pretty anti-social. I barely hanged out with friends and I stayed in just watching videos and whatnot. But recently, I decided to go out more.

Sometimes, we have to get in the mood to go out and socialize. For me, I had to prepare myself to go out more. It started with my self-care journey over the past month and a half. I started showering daily, shaving, dressing up, straightening my hair, washing my face, hitting the gym, going for a hydromassage, consuming more fruits and veggies, drinking more water, meditating, and sleeping more. And once I started doing all of these things, I started feeling more like myself and wanting to go out more. It’s hard to want to leave the house without wanting to take care of yourself first. So, that is why I started with self-care first.

Socializing with friends seems like an alien activity for me now because I’m not used to it at the moment. But I’m sure once I start socializing, I’ll want to do it some more. I’m also grateful because my friends want to hang out at vegan restaurants. They’re not vegan themselves, but they are open to eating vegan, and as a vegan myself, that makes me happy.

One day, I would like to go for an outing of skydiving and maybe rock-climbing. That’s somewhere in the late future, but it’s a thrilling activity that I would like to do someday. And sometime in the spring, I would like to attend dance classes. There’s a group that holds K-pop dance classes in center city, but I’m not sure how often they meet up. Perhaps I will start off by attending their classes.