Category: Emotions

How to Overcome Regret

At some point or another, we face the dreading feeling of regret. It may have been something we said to someone, or something we’ve lost out on. Whatever the case may be, regret does not feel good even in the slightest.

The best thing we can do in these moments is to forgive ourselves for whatever the outcome may have been. We are not perfect beings, after all. We are bound to make mistakes here and there, so it is best if we own up to it and accept that we may make some poor decisions in our life.

Forgiveness may be hard at first, but it is possible for all of us to forgive our past. We have to see that there are many other possibilities our there. Perhaps you made some decisions that led to your first breakup, or your first firing of a job. But if you can just see that there are many potential mates our there or that there are many other possible jobs out there for you, you may forgive yourself sooner than later. Perhaps if you could see that your ex or your job was not the best match for you necessarily, then you could forgive yourself for things ending in an awry state.

Overcoming regret requires you to master your mindset by reframing the situation. It may require you to see that the way things ended up are not necessarily your fault. Or even if it could be your fault, it may require you to see that it may have been for the best. It may have only hindered your progress and growth.

We all experience setbacks in our life, but that does not mean that we are our setbacks. We can overcome our past by learning and growing from those experiences. We could seek a deeper meaning and understanding into our past regrets and learn how to adapt for the future. In the end, it is all about our perspective of the matter.

Balancing Emotion with What’s Rational

Our emotions don’t last forever. What we feel is just in the moment. Then as we experience new changes, our emotions and feelings may shift over to something different. What we have to realize with out emotions is that sometimes, we have to balance those emotions with a rational state of mind.

Your emotional mind is an indicator of how things are going both on the inside and outwards. Sometimes, our minds may convince us to engage in certain activities based on how you feel in the moment. But, we should try our best to balance our state of being with the rational, to make more grounded decisions.

What we can do is practice living with a more empowered state of being. That is, deflect negativity and replace them with a more positive affirmation. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and learn how to do better the next time around.

It can be easy to just give into our emotions, because that is how we feel. And, we often feel that the best way to express our emotional mind is to experience it fully. However, that rarely plays out well. When we are overly optimistic, we may engage in risky behaviors or overwhelm ourselves by the time our optimistic high is over. And similarly, when we drown in negativity, we self-destruct and cause ourselves to experience more stressful situations. Well, that is unless you learn how to get yourself to a calmer state of being.

When you’re in a calm state of being, that is the best place to be in order to make decisions. You are level-headed and think more clearly or rationally. We can create goals for ourselves that are positive and reachable. This is better than taking off more than you can chew and destructing in chaos. Focus on where you are right now and learn how to take a step up. As with anything, it takes time to learn the skill of balancing emotion with logic. But the more you practice, the better you become at it, and the more you can take on. And when you learn how to balance emotion with logic, you begin to make wiser decisions.

Experience Every Emotion

Often times when we look up to successful people, we forget that those people have dealt with struggle or negativity of their own. We look to these people as being lucky or fortunate. But nowadays, we are experiencing a more level playing field. Technology tells us that we are just making excuses if we only try and not do. And everyone, regardless of race, gender, or religion can learn to overcome their failures and mistakes, and their emotions.

Our emotions can serve as a compass or guide. Emotions are a part of everyday existence. If we did not have them, then we would experience a dull life. Maybe, we may not even feel as if we are living with no emotions.

Successful people take the negativity and transform it into some good. For example, if someone was feeling tired all the time, it would be a sign that this person should relax more and maybe get some more rest. Or, they can change up their diet to see if it helps. If someone were in the mindset of “I can’t do this anymore”, they would succumb to laziness for a long period of time, perhaps never addressing the root cause of the problem of tiredness.

Negativity can be a guide for us to try something different. It may be as simple as decluttering your environment to something as complicated as changing your whole career path. Rather than letting the negativity get you down, it’s more important to learn how to deal with these negative emotions.

One of the best ways to deal with negativity is to remove limiting beliefs about yourself or about the world. Eliminating a negative belief can help you to foster more positive thoughts. Though at the same time, you want to acknowledge real threats and dangers (e.g. it might not be a good idea to stick your hand in a fire, but it can be rewarding to enroll in a new yoga class for your health even if you feeling social anxiety).

The best way to live through every emotion is to just let it be. Experience all the emotions and try to process your thoughts through methods such as listening to guided meditations. Or, you can use a creative outlet such as blogging, journalling, or even songwriting.

Sometimes, we struggle with dealing with changes in our life. In these situations, we may feel the need to vent out our frustrations with loved or trusted ones. Or, it could be a sign that you should relax and take a breather. Perhaps life doesn’t have to seem so bad once you realize that you have clothes, you have shelter, and you have food. Some people can’t even say that much. So once you understand that perspective, suddenly everything isn’t as bad as it once appeared.

Even the most happiest or positive person you come by may experience negative emotions. What separates “positive” people from “negative” people is how they deal with their emotions. Are you navigating life through destruction (giving in to negativity) or through construction (i.e. writing your feelings out)?


Coping with Loss

We all deal differently with coping loss. And, there are many different losses that we can experience during our lifetime. We will all at  some point or another deal with the loss of a loved one (friend or family). Some of us experience financial loss, job loss, or the loss of a home. We may face a loss of a beloved dog or cat, or we might face a loss in identity when we learn new ideas or beliefs.

It is okay to cry and let your feelings out rather than letting it bottle up and result in a chaotic episode of anger or sadness. Sometimes, we need a good cry. Other times, we just need someone to lean on and to have listen to us. Others prefer to not talk about the situation and to just move on with their life.

I’m sure a lot of people are curious about this third group of people, how they can get over loss so quickly. The answer is that it is dependent on your mindset. If you can accept that loss occurs and that there is nothing we can do about it, then you have succeeded in the first step of radical acceptance. With radical acceptance, you are aware of your current reality without subjecting to harmful or negative behaviors. Rather, you learn to accept where you are and to move on with that knowledge you’ve gained from that event which you perceived to be negative.

With the loss of loved ones, you can reframe your mind to believing that they are in a safe place. When it is your time to go, you may reunite with them on the next plane or stage of life. Others may feel as if these loved ones are protecting them and taking care of them as angels. Or, they imagine that this person would like for them to live a fulfilling life rather than dwelling in sadness. This all depends on your spiritual or religious beliefs, but all of these beliefs believe in something more than just our current life with your continuous stream of consciousness. When you can accept this kind of reality, you are able to cope with the loss of a loved one faster.

A financial loss (or materialistic loss) can be devastating for those who worked hard to reach a certain level of income and independence from the working system, especially for those who trade hours for dollars. You can learn to take it as a lesson by seeing when and where the loss occurred. Learn from your mistakes quickly, and build up wealth again by investing in different areas or pursuing multiple streams of income. Read financial books. Turn the lesson into a blessing, not dwelling on what we cannot fix but rather what we can do next to prosper and flourish. This is the mindset of an entrepreneur, and it is a useful way for not getting so attached to materialism, but to grow from it.

Sometimes, we experience a loss in identity. This can be due to changes we experience in our lifetime. Sometimes, it’s because we seek newer more fulfilling friendships (or relationships), or because we are seeking for adventure versus the daily 9-5 grind. Sometimes, it’s due to wanting to try out a new career. If this is you, you can dive into growth and happiness just by pursuing activities you’d love to try (such as Zumba or learning how to play the piano).

Some people are not able to cope with loss just as quickly. But if you are a conscious being, you can learn how to cope with loss more efficiently. You can learn how to master your mindset, to learn the lessons, and to move on. but even if you need to get a good cry out or express your anger, try to do so constructively and to not let your circumstances dictate your mood. You are worthy of happiness and love. <3

Happiness

Happiness is an interesting feeling. It is loving and caring. It is true bliss. And it is feeling compassion and empathy for one another.

Sometimes, people can be confused about whether or not they are happy. But if you’re at a state of contentment, satisfied with life, you could say that you are happy. You can experience events at a higher level of perception than most, looking to experience new ideas patiently rather than rush off to the next moment.

Happiness is when you know you can do anything that you put your mind to. It means that you are at a point that you want to share with others. When you are full of content, you feel like you want to share with others.

In life, we go through rollercoasters. The way you can learn how to be fully happy or content with your decisions is to ride those waves without letting it affect your state of being. It means that you stay calm even when life becomes a bit chaotic.

Happiness is a state of being that anyone can obtain. It requires you to look beyond material possessions and to look inwardly to yourself. What are your values? Do you align with truth, power, and love?

When you align with greater truths and ideas of living a prosperous life, you shift into a new paradigm of happiness, and even joy. Nowadays, I feel content. And sometimes, I experience states of happiness and joy. I discovered how to do this without worrying about material possessions and just being content with what I have so far. You too can learn how to achieve a higher state of being just by sticking to your own values and ideas.

Unresolved Guilt

Do you hold onto unresolved guilt? Guilt is a sign that something went wrong. It is an indicator that you’ve lose control of your thoughts and that you need to examine some underlying issues. In a sense, guilt can be a useless emotion and feeling if you allow it to manifest for a long period of time.

When you feel guilty about a past event, you dwell in the zone of “I wish things were different.” However, wishful thinking never resolves anything from our past. It’s called our past for a reason. What’s done is already done.

In order to use guilt effectively, we have to realize that mistakes and failures are normal. It is part of human nature. If there is something you can do to remedy the situation in the present moment, go for it. Back up your feelings with constructive action. You can proactively take charge of your life and live unapologetically, with no regrets.

Some people don’t know what the best steps to take are. That’s okay, so long as you are trying your best to act from a place of love. When we act from this vulnerable part of ourselves, we allow our life to unfold beautifully. You start to feel good about life, and it opens new doors for you.

Another tip that may be useful is to reframe your thoughts around past traumas or guilty acts. Realize that you are human and that you’re bound to make mistakes. Learn from it, forgive yourself, and commit yourself to doing better next time.

Worthiness

Where does our idea of worthiness come from?

Your brain has a way of concluding thoughts or ideas based around your experiences. Part of it is due to survival instincts. Back in time, before supermarkets and residential housing existed, our brains perceived some events to be fearful or negative as a way to protect ourselves. But in the modern age, we are less prone to danger. Despite us knowing consciously that we are safe, our brains may form different conclusions that stem from our past experiences or mostly during childhood. When we are children, we are quick to form beliefs and ideas based on how we were raised.

Most of our ideas surrounding worthiness usually for the most part begin from our childhood. We look up to our parents and guardians, and we feel that anything they do means something good or bad about ourselves. Our parents or guardians are our gateway for learning about the world. Some parents absentmindedly raise their children to be fearful, which can affect them in much later years if not treated right away. The earlier we catch our limiting beliefs about life, the more you set yourself up for success.

Let me share with you an example of how this works. If you as a child used to cry for attention only to have your parents ignore you or beat you several times, you may feel unloved or not deserving of happiness or love. However, that is just one conclusion of many. As a child, you may conclude that you don’t deserve to be happy. But if you look at those events, you will see that there was no meaning of unworthiness there. Your parents may have treated you poorly, but that does not mean that there are other parents out there who would have given you the attention and love that you deserved. Or if a past teacher of yours was there, they may have stopped your parents from treating you poorly. And just because you were treated poorly once, does not mean that you can’t enjoy your life. It could just mean that your parents were stressed and they did not know what they were doing. But, you can own your power back and say that you are deserving of love and that some people in your life do care about you and treat you well. Perhaps if you searched for other friends or mentors and told them about how your parents treated you, they would stand up for you and say that you are worthy of love.

Unworthiness does not have a color or shape. It is just an idea. And where did that idea come from? It came from your mind. Before you had these events occur, you were just you. You had no preconceived notions or thoughts. There was no sign or paper that stated you were unworthy in that moment. All you experienced were events. Your parents might not have known a better way to take care of you. They might have been treated similarly when they were younger. You can reclaim your power by understanding how the mind works in this way.

Am I worthy of love?

Your mind can make up any conclusion of repetitive thoughts. Why set yourself up for failure when you can change your mindset and have it work in your favor? Instead of feeling as if you are unworthy, you can reframe your thoughts to be more loving and more in alignment with self-care. You can become your own best friend.

Worthiness is a concept that our mind creates. What makes you and everyone else different? It is our experiences. If someone else were in those shoes, they may have made the same decisions, saying that they are unworthy of love based on how their parents treated them. But just because you are treated one way, does not mean that you can never be treated another way. This is how you can open your mind and look at events from different perspectives. And of course, the best approach is to adopt the best mindset. Whatever is good is what you accept. Whatever is negative can linger in the background.

In my opinion, everyone is deserving of love. Sometimes, this can be a hard idea to grasp, due to us blaming people from our past. So long as you make an effort to understand how your mind works and have it work in your favor, you’re good to go. (;

Feelings Are Not Facts

Sometimes, we perceive feelings to be facts. But, that is not always the case. Feelings arise from our perception of reality.

Our minds create thoughts, conclusions that we base on our experiences. We can always change the story as we go. Sometimes, we may think negatively. Other times, we may think positively. And still other times, we may think on a neutral standpoint.

You want to be careful about how you think. There are some people who tend to be highly optimistic. But the problem with thinking positively all the time is that you may face certain dangers.

Other times, there are overly pessimistic people who do not know how to escape their negative thinking. These people tend to look at the downside of events. And, they do not know how to achieve a higher state of positive thinking.

The best approach is to balance the positive with the negative. This perception of reality is useful so that you know how to be wary of dangers while still being open to new and fun experiences.

Just because we feel a certain way does not mean that we always have to be that way. It could mean that we are not aligned with our higher principles of truth, love, and power (more about this through Steve Pavlina’s book on Personal Development for Smart People). When we are aligned with these three principles, we are able to function at a higher and more purposeful level.

Remember that feelings are temporary. Character is more solid, and lays out a good foundation for yourself. As Mahatma Gandhi once said:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.”

So it is best to process your thoughts and feelings by getting yourself into a calm state of being. That is when you can think logically and rationally. It is also when you are able to get into a higher state of enlightenment. That is when you are able to achieve anything your put your mind to.

Feelings arise from our perceptions of reality. Some people may enjoy when it snows, but others might look at it as impeding doom, another day of shoveling or driving carefully on the streets. But you have to realize that events are just events. It only creates meaning if we assign it meaning.

Some ways in which we can process our feelings include the follow:

– Singing
– Dancing
– Writing
– Painting
– Meditating

For more help in processing your feelings, therapy can be useful. You can seek services locally. Or alternatively, you can try self-therapy, journalling out your thoughts and seeing where those thoughts are coming from.

Suffering in Silence

Many people suffer in silence. Instead of opening up, they hold back for one of many reasons. Some of these reasons include fear of judgment, fear of rejection, a state of ambivalence, not wanting to express or share sadness, and holding back anger as to not treat other people badly.

Is it okay to suffer in silence?

Some people are better at managing their emotions and feelings more than others. Sometimes, others may feel like they need to change their environment in order to feel more like themselves. These people generally are able to adapt and change their habits or misplaced judgments quickly.

So, there is nothing necessarily wrong with suffering alone. But, it can be a relief to some to get some outside help, whether that’s through a therapist, close friends and family, or a self-help book.

How can I get myself back to being in a more conscious and positive state of being?

Conscious awareness takes practice. It requires you to be mindful of your thoughts and actions. It could also mean that you have to take a step back to see where your mindset is.

What are your fears? What are your dreams? Are you fears holding you back from living your dream? Are there any steps that you can take right now to combat with or overcome those fears?

Journalling is a good way to process your emotions and feelings. It is a private way to express yourself, while also giving you an outlet to pour out all your emotions. It also allows you to practice mindfulness and be aware of your state of being. Wherever you are now can always changing, depending on your willingness and dedication to improving yourself.

Just realize that in the end, the suffering is in your mind. It does not have to always exist. It can be replaced with more positive and affirming thoughts or emotions. One way to do this is to remove limiting beliefs.

Why Negativity is Sometimes Okay

In the personal development field, people are alluded to believing that you must be positive 100% of the time. However, this is not realistic. And sometimes, negativity is needed in order to figure out what the truth is.

When you are too optimistic, you could become manic and trust people too easily. Or, you may overexert yourself. With negativity, you learn how to be more wary of people and circumstances.

It is best to find that balance between negativity and positivity. There are ways to not sink deep into negativity though, and that is by perpetual inner growth. In the path of growth, the negativity manifests as obstacles. You can use positivity as a way to guide you through these obstacles, and negativity to dissuade yourself from pursuing paths that are not aligned with the truth.

Positivity and negativity are determined my our thoughts, our feelings, and our emotions. They are based around our experiences. When you experience positivity, you are in alignment with truth and love. With negativity, you are off course, and you must find your way back to being balanced.

Recently, I set a goal of exercising five times a week. Even though I could go to the gym every weekday, I realized that this was too high of a goal. My body is not used to working out that much. So, I’m using negativity as a guide. Rather than being overly optimistic and marathoning on the treadmill or elliptical with no breaks, I have decided to start going to Zumba classes for more lighthearted exercise. The gym that I go to has Zumba classes four days a week, so I’ll restart with that.

When you start off a business, you might be overly optimistic about the results you get (i.e. how much money you made, the quality of service/good, etc.). You have to perceive your experience through the lens of negativity too. It helps keep your grounded and balanced.

Negativity also comes in handy for relationships. When you find yourself hanging around people who do not have the same values as you do, it may be time to cut off friendships or to slowly wean them off. This can help you make time for people you would prefer to hang around.

I found myself gradually separating myself from friends and family as a way to discover my true self. Sometimes, friends and family can be contributing to the negativity that you are spiraling downward from. So, you may want to do spend time alone if you feel yourself sinking down into negativity. Explore yourself and figure out what it is that is bothering you. Learn how to embrace the negativity and to allow it to guide you. So long as you don’t allow negativity to consume, you are good.

As I have suggested before, you might want to start by journalling your thoughts. Alternatively, you can seek therapy or coaching from others to find out what is wrong.