Category: Conscious Awareness

Get Out of Your Head

Sometimes, we become self-absorbed in our own thoughts. It is good to be mindful and to practice conscious thinking. But sometimes, we have to pull away from our thoughts in order to live in the present. Too much overthinking can create unnecessary anxiety or anticipation for the future.

In order to get out of our own heads, we can practice positive coping skills to ground us in the moment. Some examples of these are focusing on your breath, listening to a guided meditation, or even going out for a nice walk. Engaging in these positive coping skills can allow you to manage your stress and to stop overanalyzing your thoughts or yourself. There are other ways to get out of your own head such as through exercise, yoga, listening to music, or taking a warm shower. So generally, practicing self-care can help us to overcome these hurdles.

When our minds project too much into the future or ruminate over and over again into the past, we feel unsettled and unsatisfied. But if we learn how to enjoy things in the present moment, we can learn how to let go and enjoy life. We can learn how to overcome each hurdle one step at a time. Just as Will Smith mentioned one time in an interview, he said that you don’t set out to build a grand wall; you learn to lay one brick at a time as perfectly as you can. When we focus on taking small steps, we can eventually build those steps into something greater, to running a full marathon, either figuratively or actually if you are into running marathons. (;

Another great coping skill to getting out of your head is to journal or blog. Write your feelings out. Maybe write a poem, or compose a whole song. That’s what I do with my music. Learn how to express yourself in constructive ways.

If you feel as if you’re life is completely overwhelming, you may want to start by first addressing your health. Make sure that your basic needs such as food, water, and shelter are taken care of. And, learn how to keep those needs satisfied on a daily basis.

Then once you have had your basic needs met, you can look to fulfilling your higher needs. I would say that once your basic needs are covered, you can jump straight to self-actualization. What is your bigger purpose in life? Is it to be an inspiration to others? Is it to express yourself with your music? Is it to cook food for people?

What activities do you enjoy engaging in that can contribute value to society? This is a hard question for people to answer right away, especially if you’ve been forced to engage in different subjects or topics that were not in alignment with your own interests. Plus, we have a hard time thinking creatively of such activities that seem like they would make no money when in actuality, there is a way to make money from any type of skill. But less on the money aspect, what are some activities that you can engage in right now that will aid you in lowering your stress and increase enjoyment in your life? Because ultimately, you deserve to enjoy your life and to be happy.

So to reiterate, it is best to engage in activities of self-care until you can find a purpose in life that drives you to excel in every area of your life. Some ways in which I engage in self-care is to go to the gym, take a warm shower before bedtime, get enough rest at nighttime, and to listen to uplifting or upbeat music. I also like to dress up in the morning so that I feel more awake or more purposeful to start my da. Maybe you can start off with engaging in one of these activities too. Make it a goal to instill one good habit every day for a week. Once you achieve that, add onto that by setting another habitual goal. Then once that week passes successfully with no breaks of those habits, set another daily habit. Keep going until soon, you have a chain of good habits to keep you going.

If you’re just tired of the same old routine from day to day, maybe it’s just time for you to try something new. For example, you could go for a walk in a different part of town. Or, you could try dining at a new restaurant. Read a new book. Watch a new movie. Sign up for a dance class. Try something different and see how it affects your emotional state of being.

The best way to stay out of your head is to take constructive action. Try your best to relax and get into a calm state of being. Then, engage in activities that get you going in a positive direction. But just in case you are feeling aggressive or nervous or anxious, it may benefit you to sign up to, for example, a martial arts class. Release your pent up frustration through constructive movements.

It takes time and practice to learn how to get out of your own head. However, it is not impossible. It’s important that you realize that your thoughts are just thoughts. They do not always contain the full truth, as our minds are always seeking for answers. We cannot possibly know the answer to every question. But if we just try our best every day, we can go a long way into the path of happiness, learning how to deal with our mindsets and making the best out of it as we can.

Treading the Unknown

As our minds are based on survival, we sometimes face fears of exploring the unknown. We come up with all the reasons why not to do something when treading the unknown. But what would happen if we explore the unknown with gentle curiosity?

Just because some paths in life are unknown does not mean that we have to leave it unexplored. We can dab into the unknown bit by bit, perhaps uncovering a new and interesting story. We can learn and grow by treading into the unknown.

The reason why it’s difficult to face the unknown is because there is some uncertainty behind it. So instead, we may settle for smaller paths to the unknown such as through buying a lotto ticket. But what if there were much bigger unknowns (with more “risks”) that unveil themselves? What if we could achieve a higher purpose by exploring with what we are not familiar with?

The major benefit of exploring the unknown is that we are sure to experience growth. We may encounter many failures. However, there is much to learn in the territory of what feels uncomfortable to us at first.

When we are babies, we are like sponges. We absorb everything that we can in order to determine the unknowns. And, we are fearless in a sense because we rely on our families and our environment. We learn at a rapid pace.

You want to be slightly cautious and careful when treading the path of the unknown. For example, when you thinking of investing in a business deal, you want to make sure that you learn all there is to that business. Make it a safe investment, given all the facts. Or, back out of the decision and explore another heart-centered business.

When you are developing a new skill, it can be a vulnerable experience for us to just start off. But, it can also be an enriching experience, quickly catching on to how that new skill works. It allows us to express ourselves in new ways.

You may want to explore a new travel destination. Maybe you’ve never been there before. Maybe you’ll encounter new connections with people. Maybe you’ll even consider moving there. But either way, it requires you to step out of your comfort zone and to explore the new with some excitement or curiosity.

You may even want to explore past paths that haven’t gone so well before. For example, I invested my time and money into building a PC. Well guess what happened to that PC? It’s still sitting on my desk, unusable. I went out and bought the right parts, but for some reason, it still does not function. I’ve neglected buying a new PC ever since. But guess what I’m doing as soon as I move? I’m researching different pre-built PCs this time as opposed to building it on my own. I’m still treading on the path of unknown, not sure what PC build I’m going to buy next. But, I am comparing different PCs to see which one I should ultimately buy.

You too might benefit from treading on past unknown paths. Sometimes, we suffer loss in different ways that hold us back from exploring life fully. But just as I’ve forgiven myself for spending money on the unusable PC, I’ve accepted the path of having it built for me with the latest tech specs. And you too, whether you’ve suffered from financial loss to a loss of the loved one, can benefit from gently exploring the unknown, making sure to learn from your experience along the way.

The unknown can be a scary place, but it does not have to be. Whether we tread the familiar over and over again or explore the unknown does not make a difference other than determining how much you will grow. Sometimes, it’s good to sink back down to what’s familiar. But other times, when life is stagnate, it may be time to explore the unfamiliar.

If you are fearful of many experiences (e.g. being social, going out for a walk, meeting new people, trying a new recipe, etc.), it may be time for you to examine your mindset. Figure out where the fear is coming from (usually rooted in childhood). Realize that there are other possible truths. Then, get back up again and start living life courageously, or even confidently. Make sure to take it easy which each step you take, and learn as you go. It does not have to be a race, but it can be a slowly guided experience. (;

What Are Some Maladaptive Coping Skills?

A coping skill is a way in which we manage or deal with stress. There are two ways in which we can deal with stress. The first is called adaptive or positive coping skills, ways in which we can deal with stress in an uplifting or beneficial manner. The second is called maladaptive or negative coping skills, ways in which we engage in behaviors that are not beneficial or helpful in the long run.

There are many ways in which maladaptive behaviors can present themselves, in some cases existing as unconscious behaviors that we engage in. Here is a list of just some of those maladaptive behaviors and why you should not engage in these kinds of behaviors.

Excess use of alcohol

It is okay to drink once in a while when you are of age. However, people sometimes have a tendency of drinking more than they should. Overuse of alcohol can be damaging to your health, both physically and mentally. It is a depressant, meaning that it can reduce the activity in your brain and cause you to engage in behaviors that are risky or detrimental to your overall health. Additionally, over drinking can lead to blackouts, completely wiping your memory of the night before.

If you are taking prescribed medication or supplements, alcohol can lead to those medications or supplements being less effective. It may cause you to incorrectly believe that the medication or vitamin pills are not working when in fact they are just being negatively affected by the consumption of alcohol.

You may feel happy in the moment drinking. But after the buzz is gone, you may experience a negative void once more. If you drink to avoid your problems, you will find that your problems are just getting worse by not addressing them head on.

Smoking

Inhaling carcinogens is detrimental to your health in the long run. It can be relaxing to breath in and out these substances. However, it is advisable to learn how to just focus on your breathing without the cigarettes. Breathing can be a more meditative, relaxed, and fresh way of dealing with stress.

Smoking is not only bad for your lungs, but bad for the environment. How many times do you walk out into the neighborhood and see cigarettes lining up the street? Plus also, smoking can be damaging to your relationships. Some people suffer from asthma and can also be triggered by the smell of smoke that is caught up in your clothes or body. The odor is less than pleasant.

Oversleeping

Some people have the tendency of sleeping or napping throughout the day as a way to deal with stress. Although sleep is good, too much sleep can lead to low energy throughout your days. It can also prevent you from tackling problems head on. Sleep can be a way of avoiding reality. Eventually, you’ll have to wake up and face life. So why not avoid sleeping during the day and reclaim some of your time back? (If you’re a biphasic or polyphasic sleeper, then this might not apply to you.)

Watching too much TV, YouTube, or the news

Watching TV shows all day can have a negative effect, especially if you spend your time absorbing negative content from the news. When all you do is consume, consume, consume, you leave little time to pursue hobbies or activities that engage your unique skills and talents. Or in the case of watching the news, you allow all the negative stories to cloud your vision and scare you from going out there and exploring the world. We have to remember that life is not the same as it appears on TV.

The same goes for watching too many YouTube videos or Netflix all day. You drain your creative powers and end up spending most of your time consuming too much content and doing nothing with it. This doesn’t apply to you if you utilize what you’ve learned from TV or YouTube (e.g. trying a new recipe from Peaceful Cuisine). But overall, consuming too many videos can lead to you being inactive all day, especially if you don’t take breaks in between watching videos.

Overeating or undereating

People may either under or overeat when they experience stress. However, it is important to stay on top of your meals and to make you that you are getting adequate nutrition. If you are fasting (e.g. for religious reasons), you want to be careful not to overexert yourself. You want to make sure you have a balanced diet that serves your body in the long run. And of course, you should consume more healthy foods rather than giving in to processed junk foods.

Overeating can be a hard habit to kick since our brains are hardwired to ensure that we are getting enough nutrients. When we stress, we send signals to the brain that may cause us to eat more through survival instincts. Nowadays, the stress that we deal with is much different. But in the past, stress was a way for the body to gather much needed nutrients. A similar event occurs when you under eat. Your brain is signaling as a sign of stress that you have to eat less and run on your own body’s fuel.

What you’ll want to do is to first deal with the stress head-on. See where it is coming from and try to resolve it first. Then once you’ve addressed that issue, you can focus on your eating. Maybe take smaller bites or chew more times per bite. Smell the aroma of your food and indulge in it slowly. This can help with both under and overeating.

Playing too many video games

Playing video games can be fun, especially if you’re playing games with friends. However, you want to make sure not to overdo it. Otherwise, at least try to make some money off of it like PewDiePie did through streaming or YouTube videos.

You want to make sure that if you enjoy video gaming, that you take the necessary breaks from it throughout the day. And, you want to make sure that it doesn’t consume your life. Well, that is unless you’re a pro gamer. In that case, consider changing video gaming into a work lifestyle.

Watching pornography

Watching pornography, especially in large amounts, can lead to one becoming disillusioned with reality. What is shown in porn is often times just a fantasy for how real life sex actually works. Meanwhile, it disconnects you from people and causes you to create imagined scenarios in your head of how other people are relating to you.

Rather than watching porn, it is advisable to engage in real relationships. Form friendships and close bonds with people. Try your best to form genuine relations and connections with people rather than closing off your mind to an imagined fantasy.

Shopping too much or shoplifting

Although shopping can be therapeutic, too much shopping can be a hindrance to your financial goals. It’s possible for one to shop their problems away. The problem is that if you treat all your problems through shopping, you may overindulge and get too caught up in material things.

And of course, shoplifting is not advisable. Shoplifting can be a form of thrill for some people, who try to see how much stealing they can get away with. However, that high feeling is only temporary, and of course it is also immoral.

Fist-fighting or throwing tantrums

Some people deal with stress by harming their loved ones. This is a maladaptive practice that is not only bad for your own wellbeing, but for the wellbeing of others. Rather than aiming to hurt someone, it is better to self-reflect in private and to learn how to calm down. It is important to practice safe and good habits to reduce anger in times of conflict.

Throwing tantrums rarely solves anything. In fact, it could turn people away from you. So rather than throwing fists and getting more upset, learn how to take a breather and to calm down, easing your mind and getting into a more relaxed state of being. Then, you can begin to form safer connections with people and also learn how to form your thoughts before you take impulsive action.

Damaging property

Along with throwing tantrums and fist-fighting, damaging property is another maladaptive coping skill that is highly destructive. Some people have a tendency to punch holes in walls or destroy other people’s property. Rather than using violent means to get your thoughts across, it is better to find ways to alleviate your stress and not fly off the handle.

Perhaps a better way of deflecting your anger is to punch something soft such as a pillow. That way, you don’t hurt yourself or other people’s (or your) property in the process. Or, you can engage in activities and sports such as jiu jitsu or basketball to release your anger.

Gambling

Gambling a little bit is okay. But if you form an addiction to gambling, you could lose out on all your life’s savings if you’re not careful. You want to make sure that if you do gamble, that it’s only for pocket change, what you can afford to lose out on. Otherwise, it is best to avoid gambling.

Hoarding items

Nothing speaks stress than a messy environment. You want to make sure your things are in order and organized. A messy environment can lead to more stress and anxiety. When everything is nice and clean, it is not only pleasant to look at, but easier to function in.

Negative self talk

Some people engage in negative self talk. When you spend most of your time talking yourself down, it can take a toll on you. And if you get too caught up bringing yourself down, you will have a hard time finding the good in life and prevent yourself from enjoying life.

One way to deflect negative self talk is to learn how to remove negative beliefs about yourself or about the world around you. You may want to journal your thoughts out and focus on the positives about yourself. Write about your strengths, and find ways to strengthen and address your weaknesses.

Even something as simple as practicing gratitude daily could help improve your negative self talk. Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend who is struggling. Or, talk it out through therapy. A little positivity can go a long way once you redirect the negativity through positive self talk.

Self isolation or social withdrawal

Many people tend to self isolate themselves when they are stuck in a rut. However, it can be beneficial to engage in more social interactions as a way to combat stress. If you’re not feeling in the mood, start off small. Dress up every day as if you have some place to be. Brush your teeth. Comb your hair. Paint your nails.

You don’t even have to engage directly with people if you’re not in the mood. What you can do instead is go for a nice walk out in your neighborhood. Maybe say hi to the mailman or to your neighbors. You could put on earphones if you’re feeling antisocial, but at least going out once in the daytime can be beneficial for you. Get some sunlight each day.

Bad hygiene

Some people practice poor hygiene as a result of not caring for themselves. You might not have to take a shower daily, but at least bathe or shower as frequently as needed (a few times per week) to refreshen your body. Comb your hair so that it is nice and neat.

Taking care of your personal hygiene is not only good for you, but pleasant for the people around you. You eliminate bad body odors through washing your body. And overall, you feel better, nice and clean.

Emotional dysregulation

When you experience emotional dysregulation, you find it difficult to control your emotive responses. For example, you may be sensitive and be prone to crying a lot. Or, you may have a hard time managing your anger.

Rather than going with the emotion, it is a good idea to see where that emotion is coming from. See if you can get to the root of the problem. Then, do your best to address it either on your own or with the help of a loved one or therapist.

Overall, there are many maladaptive coping skills. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Being aware of your maladaptive coping skills can help you figure out how to better manage your stressors and practice more positive or adaptive coping skills. It’s important to identify the maladaptive coping skills that you face regularly in order to find another good habit to replace it with.

Just to give an example, let’s say one of your go-to maladaptive coping skills is to smoke cigarettes. Rather than smoking a cigarette, you might find it more beneficial to talk to a loved one or a therapist instead. Or, you might find it better to engage in a yoga class. Perhaps you can try listening to a meditation track that emphasizes breathing. There are plenty of these meditation tracks available on YouTube.

Try your best to deflect some of your maladaptive behaviors with more positive or adaptive skills. If you have many negative coping skills, you may want to start off with the most pressing maladaptive behaviors first. Then, gradually build up a toolbox of positive coping skills that you can rely on instead (e.g. listening to music or belting out your favorite song rather than punching a wall).

How to Handle Negative Thoughts

Our minds tend to get stuck in the past, forming negativity thoughts or beliefs based upon our experiences. When we get stuck in negativity, we hold ourselves back and hinder our progress. We avoid engaging in certain activities that may be beneficial for us or that may help us to grow as human beings.

The reason our minds come up with negative ideas is for the sake of survival. However, nowadays with technological advancement, we are fortunate enough to not have to succumb to our own survival. We depend on each other for the sake of survival. For example, we have supermarkets that we can go to in order to buy food. We have government programs such as food stamps for people who are unable to make a livelihood based on their physical and mental wellness.

When our minds come up with a negative thought or concludes a negative belief, it can hold us back from truly enjoying life. It does not even have to seem so negative, yet it can hinder our progress. For example, if you as a kid rarely spoke up, you might have been classified as being shy. If enough people tell you that you are shy or you get used to not speaking up, you bring truth to that label. But once you realize that there are other possible truths (e.g. maybe you were not shy but observant and trying to take information in, or maybe you didn’t speak much back then but now you have more things to say), then you begin to realize that anything could be a possibility, and it should leave you feeling empowered in progressing with life or changing your behaviors.

When we have negative thoughts, there are a few different approaches you can take. The first is to drown in that negative thought and allow it to hinder us. The second is to ignore the thought and to just do whatever you want in spite of that negative thought. The third is to examine that thought and see where it is coming from, realizing that it doesn’t have to be that way, and accepting a more empowering thought.

Going with the negative thought

Let’s examine the first mode of thinking, giving into the negative thought. When you give into the negative thought, you may be tempted to practice maladaptive behaviors that only serve to destruct you and others around you. Or, you arouse feelings that sink you into that negative thought bubble, seeping more into anger, resentment, guilt, or depression. You get stuck in a rut.

Sometimes, we need to give into the negative thoughts as a way to process our feelings and emotions. For example, if someone passes away, you may miss them and cry your heart out. Doing that is okay, because we sometimes feel the need to express our sadness just as much as we may feel the need to express our joy. It’s okay to sink low sometimes and to feel a certain way.

What’s tricky is that we must not let that negativity sit with us for long periods of time. For example, just because you fail one exam at school, does not mean that you’re going to fail the next one. It could just mean that you have to modify your study habits so that you can pass the next exam. Just because you make a mistake once doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to making the same mistake a second time. And even if you fail or make a mistake several times, that doesn’t mean that you are not learning. You are, and it’s just a matter of time before you succeed or make that great leap in progress.

Ignoring the thought and moving on

Ignoring the negative thought takes more willpower than just going with the thought. It requires you to consciously decide that you will be positive no matter what. There is an upside and a downside to this method. The first good thing about this is that you can always challenge your thoughts and decide for yourself that you will do something positive instead. The downside is that it does require some willpower and conscious thinking or acting in order to combat that thought. You will feel some sort of resistance. Plus, there’s only so many things that we can be conscious about at a single moment. It requires you to zone out and to just tune into your senses, living in the present moment.

This method is mostly useful when you are out and about, not able to fully focus on the negative thought and figure out where it is stemming from. For example, if someone says something off-putting or seemingly offensive to you, you may choose to ignore it at the moment and to just head off your way, focusing on what you are doing. You don’t have to process it at the moment. You can process it later when you’re alone. But, you don’t have to take in something negative that someone else says about you. You can decide for yourself about who you are.

I used this method as a way to cope with cyberbullying. There have been a few times when someone left hateful comments on my videos, whether it is racist or just plain rude. But rather than taking that negativity in, I either delete those hateful comments and block them, or I just altogether ignore those people and just move on with my life. Those people don’t know me, and I don’t know them. But rather than stooping down to their level of rudeness, I choose to live my life in a positive manner. It is a conscious approach that I make an effort towards every single day.

Examining where those thoughts arise

Our minds come up with all sorts of ideas, both negative and positive. When we don’t receive what we want, our minds try to justify it and come up with ideas as to why you aren’t getting what you desire. But sometimes, those thoughts are rooted in fear. As I mentioned earlier, our brains have been developed that way for the sake of survival, especially when we needed it most in past times. But, we do not have to accept those thoughts and live in a fear-based mindset.

As a child, you may have a parent who seemed busy all the time and could barely spend time with you. They may have been living paycheck to paycheck. But as a child, maybe you didn’t understand that they were stressed out and busy all the time in order to make a decent living. Maybe to you, it meant that you were not important. But there are many other possibilities as to why they behaved the way they did. To you, it may have seemed true that you were not important. But another possible truth is that maybe you were important and they’re way of expressing care was to make money in order to supply your basic needs. Maybe you were not important to them at the moment, but later you became important to them. Or maybe you were always important, but they just could not find the proper time to express their love to you.

When you are able to reflect back on the past and see where those thoughts arise, we can see that there are many possible truths. Most likely, you didn’t see the words “I’m not important” written on the walls or even spoken. There was no color or shape to it. It’s just a thought. So rather than giving into the negative thoughts, why not focus on the positive and live in a more empowering way? For example, you could replace those negative thoughts with, “I am important. I am worthy. I am deserving of love. I have a lot to offer this world. And, I am a positive influence on other people.”

Negative feelings or emotions

Another thing is that you might not hear the negative thought, but you might feel a negative way. If you look back to the event, you can realize that it was just an event, serving no negative feeling at all. The negative feeling is just a feeling. And as with every feeling, it is fleeting, and it is able to be changed. A person can’t make you feel anything. It is your body, and your body naturally responds to events. But rather than sinking into negative emotions or feelings, we can arise and feel empowered. We can see that those seemingly negative events doesn’t happen anymore, and we can feel happy about it. We can tune into more of our positive and empowering feelings.

I would like to argue that no one can make you feel anything except for yourself. You are in control of your body. And even if you have natural reactions to things (your instinct), you can realize that those feelings were just feelings in the moment. Your feelings don’t have to be the way they are. You can change them with practice. And also, just because you used to be nervous about certain things (e.g. public speaking), doesn’t mean that you can’t ever stand in front of an audience and speak. The nervousness is just a response triggered by an event, and if you can see that the event had no initial meaning behind it, then you can understand that you can exist in another state of being.

All in all, having negative thoughts is normal. But, we don’t have to succumb to those negative ideas forever. We can consciously pick them out and reframe our minds into a more positive state of being. We can live confidently and happily in this world with just a little effort. What empowering thoughts or feelings would you like to live up to?

How to Change Our Negative Thoughts

The majority of us suffer internally through our minds. It happens naturally because our minds are designed to form conclusions based upon our experiences. When we experience what we perceive to be a negative outcome repeatedly, we tend to form negative beliefs about ourselves or the world around us in order to avoid those seemingly negative events. The problem is that if you continue to build up these negative beliefs, eventually you become stuck in a comfort zone that is hard to get out of. Your mind entraps you, and you become a slave to your beliefs. Rather than enjoying life as it is with the ups and the downs, you succumb to mediocrity.

Beliefs are nothing more than thoughts that we repeatedly tell ours, which we perceive to be true perceptions upon our reality. We navigate the world based upon our beliefs of how the world works and what we mean to it. If you form negative beliefs, it hinders your progress as a human being. It means that you may avoid doing certain tasks in order to live in a safe bubble.

How can we change our beliefs?

The first step to changing our beliefs is to examine them and to know that they are there. Sometimes, the negative scripts can be the most challenging ones to find. They are masked in our everyday actions. We naturally respond or react to events based on what we believe. So for example, if you define yourself as a person who cannot tolerate the cold during winter, you may bundle up or choose not to go outside. Rather than getting used to the cold and enjoying it for what it is, you perceive it to be negative, thus something that you avoid. If you can wrap your head around the cold being a refreshing feeling and maybe get used to the idea of running in the cold in order to raise your body temperature, you have shifted to a higher level of thinking through positivity. At the same time, you don’t want to go as far as doing something reckless, such as walking naked out in the cold. You can still be level-headed while leaning into a new perspective of finding ways to enjoy the cold (e.g. playing with the snow on cold snowy winter days).

When we form negative beliefs of people based on previous relationships we’ve experienced, we limit ourselves to the type of people we’d like to surround ourselves with. At the same time, you want to be careful about what those relationships meant to you. If you’re only way of determining your self worth is based on what a few people think of you (e.g. your family), then you become a slave to their thoughts and ideas. Why live that way when you can enjoy life on your own terms? We don’t have to give in to the negative self talk, such as “I don’t deserve love” or “I am worthless”. You can change your perception to being that now, you are in charge of your mind, and that you do deserve to be loved. You can shift it to being that you do care about other people, and other people would care about you once they get to know you. You can understand that love comes in many different forms, and although your parents or siblings did not know how to express it well, you know that deep down inside they care and they just want you to be happy.

Those childhood events may have shaped you and became your identity, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You get to decide who it is that you are. When we are young, people try to assign meaning to our life by figuring it out through how we act. But the truth is when you were a baby, you did not have all these meanings and connections of your identity at all. You were just living, breathing, pooping, taking it a day at a time. And through your five senses, you learned how the world works. There are some inescapable and mysterious ways of how the world works and that people have tried to figure out, such as the laws of gravitational pull and force. But then, there are meanings which we assign ourselves based off of what others say about us or how we perceive ourselves to be. If we didn’t talk much as a child, people might perceive us to be shy, and then we hold onto that mentality of “I’m shy”, avoiding confrontation in order to be aligned with that thought. However once you break out of that mold and realize that perhaps you were not shy but observant, you begin to form a new world of possibilities, where maybe you decide that you will be more outgoing and outspoken.

Replacing the negative belief with positive affirmations

If you are unsatisfied with your appearance, you might have the belief of “I’m ugly”. This is based off of the appearances that we are used to seeing in the media or on the streets. When we compare ourselves to other people through our appearances, we succumb to the ideology of believing that we do not look good. We spend our time trying to groom ourselves to look better. There is nothing wrong with taking some time and effort to enhance our appearance. However to the extreme, we might give in to methods such as plastic surgery in order to be satisfied with our appearance. Again, it is everyone’s choice what they may do to their bodies, but it can be damaging over time to be super focused on appearance rather than personality. And, it can be damaging to one’s self-esteem and self-worth.

Rather than thinking that you are ugly, you can acknowledge times that you’ve felt pretty with your natural appearance, or you can find traits about your appearance that you admire (e.g. kind eyes, good smile, nice head of hair, etc.). You can take a good look of yourself in the mirror and gently admire those good traits that you do have. And, you can admire that you are unique and different from those around you or on television. Replace “I’m ugly” with “I am beautiful” or “I am loved”. Acknowledge how you look, and learn how to be satisfied with what you’ve got. Of course, if you want to apply makeup to enhance your features, go right ahead. But don’t try to just mask your appearance by caking on layers of foundation. Try instead to solve any glaring problems if it is in your control. For example, no one likes acne. But rather than calling yourself ugly for having acne, you can realize that it is a health indicator that something needs to change. Perhaps you can get a skin treatment from a trusted dermatologist, you can drink more water on a daily basis, or you can get into a face care routine.

If you are feeling worthless because your parents used to ignore your cries for help, realize that it doesn’t have to be the case that you were worthless. It could mean that your parents just did not know what to do to make you feel better. They might have ignored you because they were busy working or were stressed out. They might have not known how to handle such a responsibility of taking care of you. Just because they treated you a certain way, does not mean that you are worthless. It could mean that you deserved love, but they did not know that attention was what you were seeking. And now that you’re older, you can turn to yourself for love and admiration. You might even be able to attract a partner who would love spending time with you. All you have to do is tune into the stream of consciousness of self-love. (;

You have to also realize that these negative thoughts are just what they are, thoughts. They are just ideas formed by your mind. You can point our a color or a shape for these thoughts. You did not “see” these thoughts. You experienced some events, and there were not inherent meanings behind those events. Can you point out when someone said that you were worthless? And even if someone said something like that, does it have to necessarily be true? Sometimes, the ones we love that are closest to us hurt us through their words. But can you see that their words are just words, not meaning anything inherently about yourself?

How should I feel once I remove several limiting beliefs?

After you finish removing several negative beliefs about yourself, you will feel as if you can conquer the world. You can do anything that you put your mind to. It is about having all your power back. You are the owner of not only your mind, but your body. Your bodily presence can be made known, or it can hide behind the rest of society and how they think. But, you don’t have to feel as if you are alone. You will feel as if you are connected with the rest of the world in a positive way once you’ve successfully demolished all the negative beliefs or negative self-talk that you catch yourself doing. And, you will reach a new state of enlightenment, the idea that the world is not so scary as it once seemed to be.

Life Goes On

“In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life. It goes on,” – Robert Frost

Whether we like it or not, life goes on. Time continues to pass no matter what we’re doing. Well, time is also an illusion, something that is merely measured by the movement of the Earth’s revolution on its axis and around the sun. But as each present moment passes by, we can see that life still continues on. Even while we are just taking a few seconds to breathe, someone else is maybe in a rush to go to the hospital, or to work, or to a lunch date. So whether we want to live the same routine life or not, time still passes either way. Why not make the most of what you have?

For me, life is a miracle. Think about all the planets and stars in the galaxies. There is so much mystery and wonder for all that exists. We only barely get to scratch the surface of those mysteries through our own limited senses. In church, we’re taught that God created the earth and the seas. But what about planets like Jupiter or Neptune? Don’t you ever wonder if and how God or some other greater being created those planets? How amazing is it that Earth exists? (;

With the time that you have, you should cherish it and learn how to make the most out of it. If you want to go for a scuba diving adventure, book it online. Catch the waves of the ocean. Sink in the sand. Go for a refreshing run, enjoying the sunlight and the beautiful view of the neighborhood or park. Go biking. Meet new faces. Try dining at a new restaurant. Go wherever your heart desires to collect good experiences rather than just sitting around doing nothing. If you’re strapped for cash, create a business around something you enjoy doing. Make money through your lifestyle. Whatever you do, make the most out of the life you were given. <3

How to Be Courageous

Courage is when you align with love and power to move past fear into a state of action. For many people, courage takes willpower and practice. We are not used to being courageous due to us falling to what society dictates or because our minds get stuck in a state of fear.

How do you move past a state of fear in order to take action?

There are two approaches to fear. One approach requires you to reframe your thoughts in the moment and to lean into that fear. That is, when you pulse or heart races and you feel yourself sweating, you move into whatever is fearful on your mind and take that first step of courage. This requires willpower and self-discipline. But as you continue to express courage, the more prone you are to overcoming those fears just by getting into the habit of trying something new.

Another useful approach is to get into a state of being confident. Confidence is different from courage in that you do not have to be scared. You can look into your fear and see where it is stemming from. For example, if you’re not used to socializing, you may feel withdrawn and may not want to interact with other people, for fear of being embarrassed or not knowing what to say. It may stem from moments of being shy when you were younger and always being told that you are shy. But if you can overlook this and see that this is what people always thought of you and that it doesn’t have to be that way, if you can reframe that mindset by saying that you are a confident being who loves to express feelings and ideas, you can go straight into a state of being confident.

Courage is useful for times in which you need to exert power, but are unsure of what is holding you back. Courage means speaking your mind despite what others may say, feel, or think. It means being authentic and being yourself, while also aligning with love and power.

Courage is a way to get out of a state of inactivity. Some people may need courage, for example, to go to the gym regularly. Maybe these people are afraid of what other people will think of them if they only walk on a treadmill or are not happy with their physical state of being and want to stay private. But once they reframe their mind to understanding that going to the gym can help them improve their health, they can courageously walk into a gym and prioritize their health.

Like I’ve mentioned before, courage is the stepping stone to facing your fears. However, the biggest mindset change is to get into a state of self-confidence through eliminating negative or limiting beliefs. This requires a practical step-by-step analysis of where your fears stem from.

Judgment-Free Zone

Our minds have a way of concluding how people are and how they live based upon our own experiences. This happens because our minds like to predict outcomes and not to lie in ambiguity. In a way, we’d like to be able to read people’s minds and learn how to filter out our connections based on the kinds of interactions we’d love to have. However, if we are not careful, we can conclude the wrong things about people without giving them a chance to speak up for themselves.

Maintaining a judgment-free mindset requires you to be more patient with people and to give them a chance to interact with you. Just remember, even if you do have preconceived judgments about this person (based on their appearance or way they carry themselves), you can always change these thoughts later. It’s impossible to be free of judgments of others 100% of the time, but you sure can try your best to be judgment-free for majority of the time.

One way in which you can maintain a judgment-free mind is to give people an opportunity to introduce themselves. Engage in small talk and see where the conversation goes. Try to find some common ground of interests. Even the shyest of all people have something interesting to share about themselves if you just give them a chance.

Another way to express a judgment-free attitude is to take the lead and allow others to follow you. Even if someone is dealing with insecurities, you can lead how to accept those flaws and have them change through you. In a sense, you can be the one to inspire change in them.

Back when I was in uni, I used to work out in the gym there. My friends knew that I was attending gym classes or playing basketball there every so often. Soon, I found myself exercising with other friends who were struggling with being physically active. But because I was already hitting the gym, they tagged along with me and started being more active too. That is the leader approach in which way you can influence others to make positive lifestyle changes.

I also practice a vegan lifestyle. As a vegan, it is a bit challenging to find meals outside that are vegan-friendly. Some of my friends were inspired to try going vegan because of me sticking to my values. And others were curious as to what vegans eat. So before, I used to share vegan meals on my Instagram. That also helped me to connect with and find other vegans through the app. I do not judge others for what they eat, so long as they do not impose a non-vegan lifestyle upon me. And so far, I’ve found a good balance of this mindset, choosing not to dine with others if they make it clear that they cannot accept my vegan lifestyle.

I think the number one best way to maintain a judgment-free mindset is to really know yourself. Be confident in who you are, and never let insecurities get to you. Just try your best every single day and take care of your health, both physically and mentally. Understand that even if someone is living a lifestyle that is completely opposite from you, there is some lesson that you can learn from them. Or, you can always turn your attention away from that person and find friends that resonate more with you. The decision is up to you. But of course, you don’t have to jump to conclusions about that person or how they live their life, just because it is much different from yours.

How to Live in Truth

Life can be a confusing journey. Sometimes, we are tempted to succumb to deception and lies based on previous experiences. We may feel as we cannot open up and be our authentic selves, perhaps due to the chance of experiencing rejection. We take those rejections to heart and have trouble communicating our honest thoughts and intentions.

However, a life of truth tends to be a fulfilling journey. That doesn’t mean that you have to expose every part of your life to every person you encounter. But, it means that you can be true to yourself and live authentically, in oneness with truth and honesty. It means that you accept who you are completely and that you won’t feel pressured by society to be something you’re not.

Living in truth can be a scary idea to encounter at first, especially if you’re used to running away from your true self. It requires you to think outside of the box and discover your inner truth. Who are you? What do you enjoy? What do you detest? What do you stand for? Before you can accept your truth, you have to question yourself and figure out where you are in life.

How can you learn to live more in truth?

When you’re first starting off in this journey, you want to make sure to express your truth in a safe place. That is, you might want to start privately just by journalling out your thoughts and emotions or feelings. Or, you can seek guidance from a trusted friend, or a therapist even. You want to make sure that you have a safe place to express yourself so that you can determine what it is that is holding you back from living your truth.

If you are unable to afford therapy sessions, you can look into government-funded programs or through your health insurance plans to see if you qualify for free services. Otherwise, you can rely on yourself to grow and to align more with truth. This may require you to shed off old friendships, quit your day job for something better (whether that be another job or a new business), or change your drinking habits (consuming less alcohol from day to day). Whatever situation you are in, you can get out of just by aligning more with truth and honesty.

If you have trouble being honest with yourself, it may be because you are escaping a part of yourself that you don’t want to admit. In that case, you have to learn how to accept your past mistakes or failures and learn that you can always do better next time with the wisdom that you’ve acquired. Everyone makes mistakes, but learning from it is most important. That is a way you can align yourself with nor only more truth, but power as well.

Happiness

Happiness is an interesting feeling. It is loving and caring. It is true bliss. And it is feeling compassion and empathy for one another.

Sometimes, people can be confused about whether or not they are happy. But if you’re at a state of contentment, satisfied with life, you could say that you are happy. You can experience events at a higher level of perception than most, looking to experience new ideas patiently rather than rush off to the next moment.

Happiness is when you know you can do anything that you put your mind to. It means that you are at a point that you want to share with others. When you are full of content, you feel like you want to share with others.

In life, we go through rollercoasters. The way you can learn how to be fully happy or content with your decisions is to ride those waves without letting it affect your state of being. It means that you stay calm even when life becomes a bit chaotic.

Happiness is a state of being that anyone can obtain. It requires you to look beyond material possessions and to look inwardly to yourself. What are your values? Do you align with truth, power, and love?

When you align with greater truths and ideas of living a prosperous life, you shift into a new paradigm of happiness, and even joy. Nowadays, I feel content. And sometimes, I experience states of happiness and joy. I discovered how to do this without worrying about material possessions and just being content with what I have so far. You too can learn how to achieve a higher state of being just by sticking to your own values and ideas.